1 post tagged “children”
You know, on an internet forum that I have frequented, an inside joke is to label things "for the children". Like, "We're curtailing your liberties, for the children". It's a way of acknowledging that much like people wrap themselves in the flag, and claim a false patriotism, other folks wrap themselves in 'Family values" in a false concern for the safety of children.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm confused about "Family Values". Robert Singer, a senior executive at the National Children's Museum just got arrested after a child-porn sting caught him soliciting for pictures of children, and sending the same. Then, there are all those teachers we've heard about, having sex with high School students. Volleyball coaches having sex with 16 year old girls, and Coaches setting up 15 year old girls into prostitution, with the help of police officers. Female teachers having sex with 14 year old middle school boys. Then, there's those parents who look the other way as their sons buy arsenals of guns, and parents who buy their daughters high-powered sportscars, and never worry about the speeding tickets they get. Of course, what does any of that matter when the kids get sent off to Iraq to get killed by an IED at the age of 18?
Meanwhile, gay teenagers are killing themselves because their families are intolerant. Meanwhile, kids are getting loaded on Alcohol, prescription drugs, Heroin, cigarettes and inhalants. Meanwhile, 12 year old girls are having sex with 14 year old boys, getting pregnant, and their mothers just smile benignly. Meanwhile, we still don't know who killed Jon Benet Ramsy, but it might just have been her mother, who knows?
So, I'm confused. What family values are there? I'm seeing endless vistas of kids being ignored, or exploited. Well, at least in the news.
In my real life, I see mostly kids being raised by people who love them. Let me go through my son, and a few of his friends:
My son is just about 16. Right now, he's living with my wife and I for the school year, and in the summer, he goes with his mother, and her husband, and two half-siblings. His mother and I divorced when he was a little over a year old. We're like oil and water. Now, over the years, there have been some serious problems. Not to self-aggrandize, but mostly on her end. She's been homeless, and drug-addicted, and very nearly a prostitute. But, I never just let my son go. When she was homeless, I was frantically trying to get him placed somewhere. When she was drug addicted, I tried to keep my son aware and involved in school, and away from all that. Oh, and I never stopped pressing to get custody, through any of it. Now, everybody is relatively stable, and my son is getting decent grades, has a girlfriend, and is slowly learning how to be a man. Then, there's his friend M, out in San Diego. His parents are still together, and have no apparent issues that would endanger him. His mother smokes some pot, but even though M knows this, he's never even tried to smoke a cigarette, and wants to join the Armed Services, before going to college. He's also, without question, the most polite boy I've ever met. Then, there's his friend J, also in San Diego. J's father is recently dead, after an 11 year battle with cancer. J is surviving though. He and his mother have been preparing for this for years, and J is still on track to go to college. J is smart, tall and handsome, and while he's a little bit of a head knocker, he's basically no worse than a schoolyard tough guy. Then, there's B, on my street. B is about 17, now, and isn't doing so great in school. He's also been known to get into a few fights, and has been known to go overboard in that direction. At the same time, B has always been kind to his little sister, and to the dozens of animals that his mother keeps. B is probably confused and angry because, evidently, his father is an alcoholic, who abused his mother. He also might have bullied B, a bit, but I've never heard of any reports of serious physical abuse. My guess is that B will end up a working class tough guy. Not exactly an example, but not the worst of the bunch, either.
Then, there's K. He got into a fight with B, and got his nose busted. Strangely enough, this turned K around. Before, K was a little bit of a bully, himself, and had been more than a little aggressive towards some of the neighborhood girls. Now, he's an unfailingly polite young man, who works at the local grocery store, when not at school. My guess is that he'll make manager by the time he's 18 or 19. Then, there's T. I feel bad for T, in some ways. Her father died, but before he did, he was a real "winner". He was a serious drug abuser, who was in and out of prison, both for drugs and for beating his family. Now T, in some ways, is following in his footsteps. She's not necessarily using drugs (though that is a possibility) but she's been arrested a few times for things like criminal trespass, burglary, and assault. She has been known to start serious fights, and definitely uses her sexuality to try to influence boys. She's not all bad, though. She tries to be polite to friends of her Mother's, and tries to project a sunny, "normal" disposition, but, unfortunately, of all of my son's peers, she seems the most doomed. But, at the same time, there's also my son's friend C1 (we'll get to C2 in a moment). C1 has a father who's every bit the louse than B's, and T's dads were. On top of that, C1's mom is hardly what one would call 'traditional' and probably runs her household in ways that wouldn't please the Jerry Falwell's of the world. But, C1 is a relatively well-adjusted kid with a bright future ahead. He's already well on his way towards being a certified master mechanic, and has normal kid hobbies, and has a normal relationship with his girlfriend. Then, there's C2. C2 is a kinda sad case. His parents are together, and a good, middle class family. For the most part, C2 is, as well. Unfortunately, c2 is a big guy who did something stupid. A friend of his claimed she was sexually assaulted by another boy. So, C2 confronted this boy. When the boy didn't give the response that C2 wanted, he pounded the kid into the ground. We're talking broken bones, and hospitals. So, now, C2 is up on charges (as he should be). It's sad because he's an otherwise good kid, and you can certainly understand how, with teenage machismo, and ignorance, his actions are "justified". What young man, in a show of bravado, hasn't threatened violence over the honor of a female friend? But, like I said, C2 is a big guy, and should have known better.
Now, I hesitate to bring up M, D&K because some of my readers know them. M&D&K have challenges, some mental, and some by virtue of 'family' (their Dad ain't necessarily a bad guy, but he might not always be the best Dad, either). The M of this group is plagued with mental issues (of a kind very familiar to me), The D gets into trouble of a misadventure sort, and K tries a bit too hard to please, at times, and can be a bit socially awkward. But, all three can plan on normal, average lives. No monsters or deviants, or losers, here. This is even though they weren't raised in the most traditional sense of a married mother and father, where Daddy goes to his 9-5, and Mommy makes the home, and so on. So, there you go, a whole tableaux of teenagers. All kids I know, all kids my son knows. None in dire need of some kind of government intervention. Some have better outcomes, some have worse, but do any of them stand out to you as a sign that something's gone wrong with our society? The only thing that I can see is an awful lot of absent Dads. But, any generalization I could make about that gets shot down by a counter example.
My bottom line; whatever family values people are actually taking? The main ones seem to be the same as the always were: put your kid's future ahead of your own momentary interests, and try to stick around. We don't need witch hunts against sexual predators, we don't need cops stationed in our schools, and we don't need to fear. The worst case scenario, out of all the kids I know, is the same sort of tragedy that could have happened in 1926, or in 1006, except, well, in 1006 it might not be a tragedy, seeing as things were a bit more savage, brutish, and short, back then. I'm willing to bet that you know a similar group of kids. You probably grew up with them.
